Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Looking Forward? or Anxious?

A week and two days from now, I will see my dad whom I haven't seen for four years. M has not seen him for nine years.

I don't know if I am excited because he will be in MY house? or am I anxious? A dad is always a dad and wants the best for his children. He will probably be his own self who wants me to lose weight and be healthy ... lol....literally... lol .... who doesn't?

I AM looking forward to the fact that he will for once be away from my mom. Not that he hasn't before, but in the sense that he will be vacationing from her!

I just want him to be here already and I DO NOT know how I will react when he leaves. I am already devastated as is!


Monday, May 20, 2013

Deja Vu

I haven't seen my dad since 2009 when I visited him in Tehran. M hasn't seen him since 2004 and the hubby has never met him since we got married 9 years ago. Yes, this October it will be 9 years of marriage!

How we met, the proposal and the day we got married, will be three different blog posts of their own if not more :)

Anyways, I really hope that I am not jinxing my dad's visit. But, after all these years, HE IS COMING! I have been in America since 2001 and my dad has not seen where I live, how I live or with whom I live :(

I titled this entry 'Deja Vu' because I very vividly remember the day M (my bother) was coming to America. My life had no meaning without him in it and the only way that I was able to survive being away from him and away from my family and Homeland was because of MY wonderful hubby. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't have survived anything without him.

Yes, we argue and we have our moments, but WHO DOESN'T? At least we are still married and love each other....haha!

I am getting the same feelings with my dad coming as I did when M was coming. I cannot wait to see him and hug and hold him. I feel like he is a far away dream. I cannot believe that this is happening.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason! Even though I was crying my eyes out the other day just with the thought of having to let go only after 27 days of seeing him. I still tear up and I do not know how to handle it!

I have always had that guilt that I am in a better place than many other people. I have never really been able to deal with good byes either and being away from loved ones. So it makes me really sad. The only way that I have been able to deal with it is by ignoring my feelings and putting them aside. Because if I don't, I'll suffocate from all the emotions. I have never actually said that aloud before.

Thus the reason why I wanted to start a blog. I not only want to share my feelings, emotions and thoughts, but I also want to meet other people that can help me and vice versa! Hope this is a good start :D